Come see our sink grown plant.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
