i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
