As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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