I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
