what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
