from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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