Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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