This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
