well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
