My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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