We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
