Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
