just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My ass is underappreciated
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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