please come you make the beer taste better
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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