dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
