I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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