Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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