What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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