OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
