I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
