i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
