you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
