Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize