lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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