pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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