Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
