i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
