Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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