well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
