It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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