So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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