I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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