Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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