I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
