I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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