I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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