i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
