so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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