we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
