is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
