I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
