You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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