I heard we made out
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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