im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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