I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
