Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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