how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
