he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
