my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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