my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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