I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
