So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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