Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
