I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
