It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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