But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
