I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
