Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
