I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
